Jay-Z's 99 Problems

I really don't need to explain. This Tumblr page of daily illustrations to highlight each of Jay-Z's 99 problems is one of the greatest things I've ever seen. And I've seen some pretty cool things, if I do say so myself. Side note. The brain freeze. I hear that.

  

"99 Problems: Even World Famous Rappers Have Problems" by Ali Graham

"Potted Potter"

Harry Potter fans are a rare breed of fan. We, myself obviously included, delight in the idea of a parody show chronicling the seven-year and seven-book adventure of our favorite boy wizard, not hesitating at the chance to spend 70 minutes giggling at literary inside jokes.

Seriously, when's the last time you laughed at the questionably duplicitous morality of a fictitious professor in the course of potion-making? Or a dragon hand puppet? Don't ask questions, just appreciate that these were not out of place and worth it for the price of admission if you consider yourself a fan.

Potted Potter NYC

Otherwise, you may not see the entertainment in the sheer intensity of grown men running about with a beach ball that they've been told to imagine is part of an equally imaginary Quidditch game. No. There's no way that isn't funny, even if you've never heard of Harry Potter. Worth it.

"Potted Potter" NYC: Little Shubert Theater, 422 West 42nd Street (30 May - Sept. 1)

More information at: www.pottedpotter.com/nyc

Heat Wave Fashion

With expected temperatures in the 90s in New York City for the entire upcoming week, it's time to reassess my wardrobe. My youth and young adult life in the state of Wisconsin did not prepare me for this, and my extensive collection of sweatshirts, corduroy (yes, corduroy) pants, and long underwear (YES, long underwear) are proof enough of that.

So what better excuse to go shopping than unreasonably, though apparently not unseasonably, hot weather? Here's what I've found:

1. Bikini: We wear them at a public beach, so I think they should be socially acceptable in all public places. I don't actually agree with that statement, but this weather is making me say crazy things.



"How I Met Your Mother," fanpop.com

Columbia "Global Adventure Dress," REI.com

2. Wicking Fabric: Sweating isn't fun and feeling sweaty is equally un-wonderful. Though I love the idea of letting clothes do all the work, it seemed nearly impossible to find anything remotely good looking made from this wonderful material. Columbia's "Global Adventure Dress" was the closest I could get to non-hideous, but no amount of wicking could make up for how painful it is just to see sleeves of any length on a dress right now.

I'd like to point out that I think "Global Adventure Dress" is quite a bold title for Columbia to place on this, but I'll let it slide for throwing in a zip pocket.

3. Barely There: If you're willing to draw a few judging stares and shaking heads of disapproval in your direction from the decidedly more conservative crowd, pair this dress from Nasty Gal with a good deodorant, and you're seriously good to go!

I'd also like to make a point on the fact that pretty much anything you find from Nasty Gal is just barely there enough to be comfortable in any unbelievably warm location, whether it be public transportation or an annoyingly hip nightclub.

  

NastyGal "Lush Life Dress," nastygal.com

Though you're likely get a range of looks for wearing any of the above in this weather, I'm personally going to advocate for the bikini tee. Let's make that happen.

"Toddlers and Tiaras"

Every time I watch this show (which has become more frequent than I'd like to admit), I am so incredibly entertained. But at the same time, I feel incredibly compelled to call my parents and thank them for never subjecting me to childhood beauty pageants.

So make sure you say hello to your mother for me after you watch this.

Soda Shaq

Add this to the list of reasons why Shaquille O'Neal is the greatest. And why he was an entirely legitimate choice for my childhood hero... not even despite Kazaam but because of it.

AriZona

"AriZona Beverages is known for its big cans and big value, so a partnership with the 7'1" big man was a no brainer." -AriZona Press Release

Sea Dog Blueberry Wheat Ale

Spending my Fourth of July weekend in Maine means that you must be subjected to hearing about my vacation. Perhaps seeing the full slideshow of pictures isn't what you're looking for, so I'll instead try to make this worth your while. Let's skip talking about the whole vacation and go straight to talking about the beer.

I always knew that Maine was a haven for lobster-lovers, but I had never before heard that blueberries were a thing in "The Pine Tree State" (... and pine trees? Who knew?). So when in Maine, do as tourists assume residents do and eat/drink as many blueberry products as you can! The blueberry pie was great and all, but I'll stick with beer. Thanks, South Portland, ME!

BeerPulse.com

Boone's Farm

Thanks to a price reduction at the local market, an old friend was brought back into my life. It's been since my collegiate years that we've been acquainted, but I was reunited with Boone's Farm wine this weekend and felt as though we'd never been apart.

Who can dislike a flavored citrus wine like Strawberry Hill? And, more importantly, what market is so unappreciative of this fine flavored citrus wine that they would apply a discount on its sale? Nobody puts Boone's Farm in a corner... or on a clearance shelf. That's all.

Fiat 500 "Italian Invasion"

To continue my theme from yesterday, I decided to take a look at how the advertising industry has taken our day of appreciation for the freedom we have as Americans and made it into a selling device. Because nothing screams, "let's spend our discretionary income on little imported cars!" better than this commercial. And though I'd like to say I'm entirely critical, there's honestly something about this that, while I don't love it, I can't seem to hate it.

I mean, in this director's cut of the television spot, the final line of "This is going to start a revolution," is replaced by "This is going to be so much better than the tea party." Need I say more?



Also... hey, look it's that girl that was on America's Next Top Model that one season!

"Party in the U.S.A."

Happy Independence Day's Eve! Our country's founding fathers would turn over in their graves if they heard me suggest that listening to this song is an appropriate way to kick off your celebration of America's freedom. But then again, you've got your hands up, they're playing your song, and you know you're going to be okay. (It's a party in the U.S.A. after all.)

The Future

Let's go back to the future. As in, let's take this blog to the next level, let's get philosophical, let's talk about the great unknown of the years ahead, and let's appreciate this opportunity to use this image from a "Back to the Future" film. If anybody knows the future, it's Doc Brown.

"Back to the Future Part II," 1989

After deciding that a Sunday afternoon was the perfect time to randomly stop in with a psychic, I couldn't help but consider the profound thought that, "hey, I just paid some random woman to look at my hand and tell me nothing specific about my life that I couldn't have just made up myself."

I didn't expect to hear every detail about my future, nor did I want to hear every detail about my future. Does anybody want to hear "you will be surrounded by the love of ten cats in your lonely future?" And I mean no offense to somebody that considers a feline-filled future to be a good one, but I'd rather just leave things open to interpretation and keeping holding onto that glass while it's still half-full.

Let me keep trying to predict what teams are going to win in the NCAA tournament and be entirely wrong. Let me be convinced that I know who will win "The Bachelor," even without reading the spoilers online. Let me tell myself that I will never end up living with ten cats... Nine, maybe. But ten? Never.

"I Want You Back"

I know, N Sync. I know. And I so very desperately want to BE back.

Also, let me just say... can't get over those outfits. Let's bring THAT back.